Jul 5, 2007

Freaking Out

*deep breath*

A lot has happened since my last post. Mr. Shad rushed home to take us to Maryland. He was still too late, at around 8PM on Tuesday, FIL passed. My husband was still in the air. How are you supposed to tell someone you love that someone they love has died? That everyone else got to say goodbye, but he didn't, because he was doing his job? We left Thursday in the early morning, and arrived Thursday afternoon.

Mr. Shad gets his stone cold exterior from his mother. She is a wonderful woman, but keeps her emotions to herself. Which is difficult for me (an overly emotional train wreck) to understand. Friday we had the viewings, my parents and a few of our friends came to provide support. The hardest thing for me was trying to explain the situation to Heather. She knew something was wrong, she did give us the lightest moment of the day though. Finally, it came to me, how to explain things to her. (Keep in mind I am talking to a four year old, not misspelling words)

She asks, "Are we in the hostipal?"
"No, we are in a funeral home. This is where people go after they die so that everyone can remember them, say goodbye, and love them. Then they can go to heaven, after the people that loved them say goodbye. Would you like to say goodbye?" I feel a bit of triumph in my explanation. It is delicate and true at the same time. She nods and walks somberly to the edge of the casket. Then brushes her hand across the air in a short wave, runs to MIL and says, "Let's go get some food!"


Saturday was the funeral service and burial. The minister did a great job, considering. Tom "Alky" (FIL) was by no means a religious man, but that didn't make him a bad man. Nobody tried to make him into something he wasn't. Instead the minister played on his strengths as a father and loving human being. When Mr. Shad spoke, I cried. He was not emotional, but has a wonderful speaking voice. Even in a sad situation he can sound strong and proud. It was a long speech, and probably one of the best. After the burial, we were all so tired. Our friends came to the house and we all lazed about for a bit. Then we decided we just needed to get out, go do something. So, I got all dressed up to go out (the night before, Mr. Shad got a little drunk, I did not). As we sat around talking and joking, waiting for our husbands to finish helping my father load his motorcycle...I hear my mom begin to reprimand Heather. When I look over she isn't there. I can't actually remember seeing her fall, but I heard the sound her head made when it met the pavement.

I screamed Heather's name and everything moved so fast. No strange slow-motion fog that you might expect from a panicky situation. My mind worked the fastest though. The mother's among you understand. So, when I reached the bottom of the stairs and didn't see her lying on the ground...it took a moment for my imagination to give way to reality. She was up and running, looking for me. I caught her not more than four feet from where she must have fallen. When I lifted her up, my skirt came too. Instead I just dropped to the ground with her in my arms. Looking her over, trying to find the source of the blood on my hands. Good thing Mr. Shad was there, I think I was scaring poor Heather. We are complete opposites in the emotional department. My heart broke a little bit when I heard that sickening crack though. Everyone sort of...politely pushed me away from my daughter. Not that I didn't understand, I did. It still felt bad to be incapable of caring for my baby.

Anyways, sorry, I like to write remember? All of that drama. My mother and husband took Heather to the hospital, they can both control their emotions. After several tests, and CAT scans, and six staples, they returned home. It was 2am, my dress abandoned for pajama pants and t-shirt. She was a trooper, and is healing just fine. Okay, to all of the moms amongst you, I apologize for just scaring the crap out of you.

I started a Coachella mod, (props to Sylvia for giving me the idea) that is actually pretty simple. It's just a halter top instead of a racerback. she came up with that as a yarn saving gimmick since I only had three balls of yarn instead of four. ASAP I will update this with pictures. Right now I am going to get back to knitting. Coachella makes for a great stress knit, nothing really complicated. Even the flat knitting for the top half went quickly.

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Kitty's Story

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First, I must confess my name isn't Kitty, or anything even close. It just comes from an affinity for cats. Second, I love to craft, create, and imagine. I can draw a bit, knit a lot, and sew just enough to get by. My world revolves around the loves of my life; my three children. Anything more you want to know about me is on Ravelry or check me out on FB!

Crystal Shadrick

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*Disclaimer!* I'm totally crazy. The patterns I offer are often variations of other patterns, things I have reverse engineered. I don't claim to be wonderful and smart and an all-knowing designer. So enjoy them!.

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