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Mar 12, 2007
Composition on Knitbloggingcom·po·si·tion [kom-puh-zish-uhn]
–noun 1. the act of combining parts or elements to form a whole.
2. the resulting state or product.
3. manner of being composed; structure: This painting has an orderly composition.
4. makeup; constitution: His moral composition was impeccable.
5. an aggregate material formed from two or more substances: a composition of silver and tin.
6. a short essay written as a school exercise.
7. the act or process of producing a literary work.
8. an academic course for teaching the techniques of clear, expository writing.
9. the art of putting words and sentences together in accordance with the rules of grammar and rhetoric.
10. a piece of music.
11. the art of composing music.
12. Fine Arts. the organization or grouping of the different parts of a work of art so as to achieve a unified whole.
13. Grammar. the formation of compounds or derivatives: the composition of “aircraft” from “air” and “craft.”
14. a settlement by mutual agreement.
15. an agreement or compromise, esp. one by which a creditor or group of creditors accepts partial payment from a debtor.
16. a sum of money so paid.
17. Printing.
a. the setting up of type for printing.
b. Also called pagination. the makeup of pages for printing.
18. Mathematics. the process of making a composite function of two given functions.
That is quite a definition, however, in this case I'm using (loosely) the ninth definition (which I underlined for you). Be gentle, I wrote this very early in the morning. Also, it contains personal information that is hard for me to share. There is no knitting content in this post, so just don't read it if you aren't interested.
Where do I begin? I've said it before, but have never fully expressed my love of the knitblogging community. My husband took the good computer with him over the weekend and I though, "Well, good. Now I'll really get some knitting done". I had no idea what effect being with that link to the internet would be like.
First, a bit of background, to understand better my response to the community blogging provides. When I first moved to North Carolina, two and a half years ago, I was very lonely. We had one child, no cable or local television, one care and I was miles away from everything familiar. Things were not very good, it's rough to be a young mother married to a Marine. Ask anyone who's done it. Moreover, the therapists were telling me I had hypo-manic-depression, my husband and I were going through marital counseling after only six months of marriage...I had never felt so alone in my whole life. At one point I was so desperate that I attempted suicide, it's hard for me to talk about even today. Still, as I stated previously, I want to tell you all of this so that you can see what all of you and knitting have meant to me. This was all in the summer of 2004.
There is about a year gap between "the bad time" and the point when I began to knit. In that time my marriage progressed, we had a second child, I got a job...things were looking up. My husband was always supportive of my creativity and love of crafts, he was always encouraging me to look outside of myself and find friends. With time I made friends who had similar interests to mine and became less closed off. Life was getting into a comfortable, happy groove. Shortly after Heather's second birthday and Kyran's first, we received some unexpected news.
I was pregnant again.
You can imagine how we felt. My body doesn't handle pregnancy well, not to mention the negative effects the hormones have on my already unstable emotions. As Justin likes to put it, I get psycho. lol At any rate I felt a real depression coming on. I was looking for any way to distract myself. Most of my free time was spent aimlessly surfing the internet. Even though I was doing "something" it often felt like nothing and was boring. On one of these occasions I turned up a picture of this ultra cute knitted hat...with kitty ears! Which I now know to be the Kittyville hat, of course. Having ever been the crafty type I said to myself, "Self, you can make this!" Thus began my introduction to knitting. My first attempt (a pair of legwarmers in Lion Brand Homespun) came out a miserable and hideous failure. I've since thrown them away, even though I am the sentimental type, they were depressing me.
Now, had it not been for my discovery of The Tail Spinner, I might have given up entirely. But I was not to be thwarted. In March of 2006 I walked into my first yarn shop, and a part of me has never left. It was awkward at first, I felt a little uncomfortable and afraid to be laughed out of the shop on account of my age. Though I had never felt reserved before about going into a craft shop. The owner, Linda, was kind and helped me to get my bearings. She set me up with the materials for making my first hat. I am still of the opinion that hats are better first projects than scarves, however that's not what I'm writing about here.
Being the internet junk I am, I Googled many things knitting related: patterns, techniques, actually that was how I found The Tail Spinner. So, it only seemed natural to begin a blog. Never did I realize how big this would all become for me. Knitting is the best drug in the world, and yarn junkies are some of the coolest people out there.
Many of you have never me me "in real life", still I feel that you might know me better than some of the people who have. We are all so different, different paths, homes, personalities, this one overlapping interest is enough for us to reach out to one another. In knitting, we have a common bond. I feel as if I could call you up to get together for coffee or tea (though I drink neither), or perhaps we might take our kids to the park for a play date. My knitblogging friends feel more real to me than the "friends" who live around the corner. People that I don't even bother to call, despite that my husband was gone for five days and I was alone with all three children. Our community is strong. We help one another out with knitting problems, support and encourage each other in our knitting ambitions. I've received many comments and emails of praise and inspiriting words when I've felt down. You are all so kind, I look forward to checking my bloglines every day and reading your updates. Some day I do hope to meet some of you in person, maybe we could get a slice of pizza? Without my internet, I felt truly lonely again. The knitblogging community has helped me to connect with people and given me friends. A new sense of self worth that I could find previously has been instilled by those of you who take time out of your day to read what I write here. It might sound silly to some, but not me.
What am I trying to say? Simply that I appreciate each and ever one of you, you all mean something to me. I consider you my friends, even if this is our only correspondence. Thank you for reading my blogs, hopefully I am as good a knitblogging friend to all of you as you are to me.Labels: blogging, gratitude, life, rambling, reflections, writing 11:01 
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|::hug::! Depression is hard, being alone is harder. I'm sorry you had to go through such a bad time, but you're clearly very strong. You made it out and you found something to help you along.
I'm so thankful for the knitblogosphere. Without it, I'd be (almost) completely alone in my knitting.
By
elizabeth marley, at 4:00 PM
I can completely identify. I am a stay at home mom of two girls and I rarely leave the apartment. I have one friend (in real life) where I live. I am painfully shy in person. You would not know that from reading my blog, would you? I have self-esteem issues, bouts of depression. My father tells me I should be checked for bi-polar disorder. LOL!
Most of the "friends" I have are online friends. We connect via the blog. My blog has helped me immensely. I voice my opinions, rants, knitting stuff and it even gave me confidence to submit my knitting pattern to be published in a book.
So, we are friends. I think so...and I am here for ya if you need me. HUGS!
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Anonymous, at 11:15 PM
It's so hard to have young kids who totally need you so much. I'm struggling with trying to figure out who I am in the midst of everyone else's needs. But my knitting is definitely helping me find myself and my space again.
By
wenat, at 11:22 AM
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