Feb 25, 2009

Dirty Mouth?

Yeah, I finally did the pattern for the penis chapstick cozy. I received a surprising amount of requests for it. I'm going to copy and paste it into here. Also...I did manage to make a PDF somehow. I think. But really, I'm not sure how that works exactly. So...it's not online. If you want it, just email me.

Phallic Chapstick Cozy
by Shadkitty

Need a little protection? Grab your penis and put it on your mouth, er, your chapstick that is. This cozy has no functional use whatsoever, but it's HILARIOUS and you'll enjoy it. And, unlike real life, one size fits all!!

Caron Simply Soft [100% acrylic; 315yd/288m per 170g skein]; color: Pink; all you really need are some scraps

1 set(s) US #4/3.5mm double-point needles

Tapestry needle
Key ring (optional)

Useless. Just make it work for you.

You can attach a keyring if you want to hang this from your keys. Or whatever. Just crochet a chain long enough to meet your standards and attach it to the cozy and the keyring. Use your own smarts for that.


CO 12, leaving a longish tail. Join in round, making sure stitches aren't twisted, yada yada.
Do some k2, p2 ribbing for awhile. Periodically slip the work over chapstick tube. When work reaches from the bottom of the cap to the bottom of the tube:
K 2 rounds plain
Next rnd: *k1, k2tog*

Cut yarn and thread through stitches. Pull shut tight – weave end in on side facing you!! Then turn inside out.

CO 18. Join in round, blah blah blah. You know the drill.
Round 1: k9 sts together with tail from CO, k9 remaining sts together with tail from body CO. Make sure you leave a little bit of yarn between the body and head. This is the little piece of yarn that connects the two. If you make them too close together you won't be able to get the head off and on easily!
Round 2: knit around
Round 3: k9, inc, k9, inc
Round 4 & 5: knit around
Round 6: *k3, k2tog* to end
Round 7: knit

Rep rounds 6 & 7 until 8sts remain.
Next Round: k2tog around

Cut yarn and pull through remaining sts.

(make 2)
CO 8.
Round 1: *k1, kfb* around
Round 2: knit

Rep these 2 rounds once more (16sts). Work St st for 3 rounds.
Next Round: *k1, k2tog* around
Next Round: knit
Next Round: *k1, k2tog* around
Stuff with fluff!

Cut yarn and pull through remaining sts. Attach to body using your good judgement and general knowledge of a man's tool. You are now a penii warrior! Battle the forces of chapped lips!

Ha. I kinda gave most of the finishing details in the pattern instructions. You don't need to really weave in the ends that you knitted together. Just trim them. Weave in any remaining ends. Then pop in your tube of chapstick.

Ms. Kitty is completely bonkers. She lives in a constant state of chaos with her man servant and 3 little critters...amongst piles of yarn and laundry. A menial gas station employee by day, and a fiendish knitting powerhouse by night, there is no knitting challenge too great!

I'm getting carried away, go show off your knitted penis.

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Feb 4, 2009

Cut My Heart Out

Kauni 2I'm struggling with how to begin this post. I don't want it to be the same thing as always, or boring. It should be snappy and attention getting because I know that this is the first thing you will read in your bloglines. This is how you will decide whether or not you will bother reading the whole post or if you'll just skim it for good pictures. Unfortunately my thoughts are unintelligible. They're simmering on the back burner as I'm writing this while watching Life. Instead I just thought I'd insert a gratuitous yarn photo, this is Kauni Effektgarn in colorway ET.

Valentine's Day is one of my least favorite holidays. It really doesn't mean Heart cards 3anything to me. Less now than ever. Things are strained between Mr. Shad and I at the moment, but I don't need a glittery card and a heart shaped box on some commercial holiday to define my love. Oh, and I DEFINITELY do not need a piece of jewelry that I'm not gonna wear. Love is constant, which means that February 14th is just another day. However, making V-Day cards when I was little was one of my favorite things. Because I've always loved crafts, and well...I do like glitter. And chocolate, but that's beside the point. After seeing this post, I was inspired and reinvested a small glimmer of glee in the crafting that this holiday calls for.

Crafting something by hand is the best way to show you care, if you want my opinion.stace-lo 4 To show some of my coworkers how much I appreciate them, I decided to craft them a little something. That's right, MCCS Corporate Zombies! Arghhhh Brainssss! First up is one for my favorite male cashier! He also happens to be the only male cashier we have, he's got great work ethic and seems kinda down sometimes that he works so hard and everyone else slacks off. Right now, he has no hair because I just couldn't figure out how to make it look right. Guess I'll needle felt him some hair. Actually, I like most of the people I'm working with right now. You'll be able to tell who I like when you see all of the zombies. Because, let's face it, I'm not going to waste time on anyone I don't like.

Somehow, I'm trying to roll into this next paragraph/project. I wanted it to be smooth, but it just isn't coming. Even though it really should have been easy, what with all of this talk about caring, crafting and zombies. Oh well. Just recently I ordered the BSJ pattern from Schoolhouse Press for $3! Come on, you all know how expensive The Opinionated Knitter is, when I found out they were selling this BSJ buttons 3pattern by itself for three dollars, I had to get it. Which meant, I had to cast on! So far it's been pretty easy knitting. We'll see how it goes, I've read through the pattern a couple of times and still feel confused. Then again, that's happened before, sometimes the pattern doesn't make sense until you're knitting it. Then you have that big "OH!" moment. My tattoo artist and his girlfriend just recently had twins, so I figured that would be a perfect opportunity to try out this time tested favorite. But...what about the buttons? I'd have to find something really cute. Or maybe...maybe I could make something really cute! Since I bought a bunch of polymer clay to make eyes and embellishments for all of the Creepy, Cute Crochet critters I could make buttons. Here is the first batch, what do you guys think?

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Kitty's Story

Vintage 008

First, I must confess my name isn't Kitty, or anything even close. It just comes from an affinity for cats. Second, I love to craft, create, and imagine. I can draw a bit, knit a lot, and sew just enough to get by. My world revolves around the loves of my life; my three children. Anything more you want to know about me is on Ravelry or check me out on FB!

Crystal Shadrick

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*Disclaimer!* I'm totally crazy. The patterns I offer are often variations of other patterns, things I have reverse engineered. I don't claim to be wonderful and smart and an all-knowing designer. So enjoy them!.

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